Everyone Needs to Yoni Steam

I really don’t want to be home right now. If I could steam every free second of my life, I WOULD! Okay, some backstory…

For years, my friend group has been dying to get a colonic and a vagina steam detox. We used to talk about it in our group chats like every month. We just never got around to either of them. Brunch by the beach was higher up on our to do list. Eventually, the subjects just stopped coming up. However, steaming was still heavy on my mind. Need even more unnecessary backstory? I suffered with chronic bacterial vaginosis in my early and mid twenties. None of my medical professionals ever came up with a concrete explanation of where the shit was looming from. I was often stressed, I definitely wasn’t maintaining a healthy diet, and I also wasn’t requiring my partners to hop right in the shower before we got ready to screw each other’s brains out. I just dealt with my pussy in silence. Hand over the Metro Gel, or better yet, the easy peasy One Day Pill, and send me on my itchy little way. I wasn’t interested in treating the actual problem. I just wanted to shit gone before my boyfriend caught wind, or smell, of it.

So fast forward, somehow, the BV subsided. I have no idea what I did right or wrong. The only habit that I willingly gave up was eating my Flaming Hot Cheetos with cream cheese. Funny thing was now that my infection had chilled out, I was starting to hear more women speak out about BV. I found myself on YouTube head nodding and making the ‘mmph’ gesture to everything they were experiencing from the yellow discharge to the dismissive behavior from the nurses. These women had found the cure in detox pearls. The reviews and testimonials were crazy to me and that’s saying a lot because I’m the bravest bitch I know! After about my twelfth review, I’d gotten myself over the fear of “The Purge”. However, for some strange reason, I still didn’t order the detox pearls. I didn’t even compare prices on Amazon, which is extremely rare for me. I was all talk yet again.

So one random day, I’m deep into my homegirl’s Instagram story and BOOM! This Yoni Steaming Center just magically popped up in Compton. I followed the brief rabbit hole to Her Yoni Steaming. Instant memories of my early twenties and the research I’d done some years back came flooding to the forefront. I was officially READY this time. And what better way to support a Black Owned Business! But the gifts didn’t stop there. For Valentine’s Day, Ebony(the owner of Her Yoni Steaming) was hosting a steam and paint party for the low. It’s true that I never investigated the price in the first place, but I could just tell that I was getting a good ass deal. This corona virus has taught me to stop passing up these new experiences. The steam and paint was my chance to knock two affairs off of my wish list. Her price point was simply the icing on the cake.

Ebony suggested that we come up with some affirmations for ourselves while the vagina steams on the pot. Now here’s where things got tricky for me. What did I really want to accomplish with this pussy? I got some false news from my doctor back in January, so I guess I should encourage more positivity and health for my Little Lady. But I felt like that was way too broad. Then that damn Missy Elliot popped into my head. “Pussy don’t fail me now. I gotta turn this nigga out. So he don’t want nobody else, but me and only me”. Why am I still thinking about him in that way? Every time I think I’ve completely erased that meathead, I get reminded that nothing that meant anything to you will be that simple to shut out. I had to recenter myself and get back to my manifestations.

Dear Pussy:

Stay the course. We are only attracting available and all around stable suitors into our space. I will no longer put you through fixer uppers. We are only accepting the Ready and the Emotionally Available. I felt great about my proclamations and patiently waited for Sunday to roll around.

Valentine’s Day wasn’t as easy as I’d hoped. Neither was last year’s Love Day, but that’s a twisted story for another time. Driving through my ex’s neighborhood to get to Her Yoni Steaming Center triggered me a bit. I passed a couple places that we frequented and it put me in a place. The only deed to get me back on track was to turn up the stereo and concentrate on the road and not on the memory infusing buildings alongside. I made it safely to my destination in one piece by reminding myself of how cleansing this yoni steaming event was about to be.

Ebony was so welcoming to me. I needed that warmth with all that was going on in my head. I was greeted with champagne, crudités, and Cardi B on the portable speaker. I was in heaven. I chatted with the other party goers while waiting on my pot of herbs to get cookin’. We each discussed babies, boyfriends, and what brought us to the steaming center. I got so wrapped up in our chat that I completely forgot about my affirmations. The first ten minutes of my session was filled with laughs and bubbly, then out of nowhere, I started feeling…gushy down there. I was in a nervous panic thinking ‘Now I know that’s not my damn period!' But before I could get completely embarrassed, I started feeling all beautiful down below. This was something I’d never experienced before. I was battling between calling my old situationship to show him how divine my pussy was and never sharing it with any man AGAIN! I choose to keep my phone tucked away and requested a refill of sparkling wine. My ex never exhibited the characteristics I was now looking for in a partner, so he was now deemed unworthy. For my last ten minutes on the herbal pot, I thought over how blessed I am and how I want to continue to be a blessing to others.

My painting wasn’t as successful as my vagina steam, but I’m still glad I completed it. My abstract neon butterflies are my reminder of the positive changes in my life and to stop knocking things before I try them. I am now a continuous client of Her Yoni Steaming and peep this! They are running another special for the month of March! So Ladies, anybody down to steam that Hot Spot with me? Let me know what’s up by emailing me at jualeeah@jualeeworld.com or jualeeworld@yahoo.com