Compliment a Man Challenge

This interesting thread popped up on my timeline this summer. “Men are sharing the things they wish Women knew about them.” I was intrigued by these twenty-five “things,” but three of them really hit me in the chest. To sum the three up, Men want to be approached and complimented. Can I be honest with you? I have a big problem with approaching men these days. I used to do it all the time in my early twenties. As an exotic dancer, I’d become accustomed to hustling men in and out of the club. I didn’t always have the best outcome with the men I met on the street. Either they were somebody’s boyfriend or unavailable in a multitude of other ways…soon enough, I eventually quit. I later learned that a lot of men have a hard time turning women down mostly because they know all too well how rejection feels. So fast forward to this post saying they want us to do these things that in my opinion, most men are too immature to accept. I had to get some guidance from my Virgo twin on that shit. We share the same sign and the same name so I just knew she would be on my side. She graciously disagreed with me which I wasn’t expecting. After her thirty minute lecture, she put me to the test. “I want you to go out and try to compliment at least five guys this week.” Girl WHAT? It’s already Tuesday! I can barely stand to look at five men in one week, now this ol’ friendly ass bitch wants me to talk to these niggas? I hung up the phone with a newfound headache. I don’t work well without a properly thought out plan. So the game plan in my head was to be on the lookout for any man I could find while I was out running my errands. After a quick shoulder shrug, I decided ‘How hard could this be? Men should definitely be out getting prepared for Taco Tuesday.’

Nahhhh. It wasn’t that damn simple. I found out something about myself. I literally go out of my way to not interact with men. My first stop was the bank. And can you believe there was a new teller off to my far right? A man at that. I could have killed two birds with one stone. Help him get his feet wet at this particular branch, and get off my first compliment. But no. I just couldn’t. I damn near ran over to the lady I normally deal with. Even though the male teller signaled for me way before Emma did. I started to feel bad about half way through my transaction. My thought process from earlier had completely changed. I was so confident in myself as I was backing out of my driveway. Now, not so much. I spent my entire Target trip in a haze just rethinking the whole bank encounter. I totally missed all the opportunities I might have had at the department store because I spent all my time trying to figure out how I got like this in the first place. Depression set in right over in the trail mix aisle. By the time I was ready to exit the store after overspending, I said ‘Fuck all this. I’ll maybe try this out another day.’ I was too far gone to complete any type of challenge today.

My day started running smooth again after I took all the challenge pressure off. My back was once again arched and I was ready for my tequila and tacos. As I approached the door to my local taco spot, I see a guy with a gang of shit in arms struggling to open a door. I did a quick jog over to assist him with the door. You should have seen the way he looked at me. As I held the door for him, he started with a smile that turned into straight shocked once we locked eyes on each other. I thought I’d transformed into an extraterrestrial from his facial expression. “Tha-Thank you,” he finally blurted out. I waved him off and laughed to myself. ‘Damn. We really don’t do shit for these men.’ I felt a surge of energy when the lightbulb went off. Compliments can be action based in my book. My nice gesture could definitely be considered a compliment! I ordered my tacos with extra some pep in my step. ‘One down, four more to go,’ I thought. I smiled when I saw my damoiseau in distress rushing through the doors. He came over to the taco spot just to thank me once again and purchase my food. Normally I would have let him, but I was ordering for myself and my mom. I didn’t want to come off like one of them girls…but I did take him up on his offer to meet at the cigar lounge next door. He wanted to get to know me a little better. I returned shortly after dropping off my mothers burrito, and I’ll be totally honest with you. This was the best time I’ve had out in a long time. Antwan introduced me to some of his frat brothers. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard. I came home with about four new cigars to try out and a nice buzz that send me off to dreamland. Ohh yeah, I also got Antwan’s number. On our second date we discussed our first time meeting each other. As I read on his face, he was totally confused and amazed that a woman, let alone a Black woman, held a door open for him. He couldn’t remember the last time a woman helped him out in any way. I was pleased with myself. Two things I love is representing the Black Woman well in all situations and representing Inglewood, California well in every out of town situation. Negative stigmas always need to be debunked in my opinion.

The Compliment a Man Challenge was going so well for me that I had a few myths of my own to deflate. More men could positively accept compliments than I originally thought. And all though I wasn’t expecting a grand gesture in return, it always seemed to happen. I was even invited to my first Rams game due to my compliment on a man’s skin. He was gorgeous and I was dying to know his morning regimen. Stephen, the Ram’s season ticket holder, shared with me that “the only woman that ever paid me any type of compliment was my ex-wife. Most women just stare at me like it’s something on my face.” I get it though. I probably would’ve done the same thing before I was propositioned with this challenge. I was starting to feel like I was single-handedly adding some newfound joy into Los Angeles county. Until I ran into Bryson…

This had to be something like Day 30 of the challenge. I had to drop my laptop off to get serviced. I dropped into one of my favorite watering holes while I waited on Apple to give me a quote on the work I was going to need on my MacBook. I missed the call because as soon as I sat down in the restaurant, I was being asked about the food and the nightlife around town. Bryson was seated to my right, eavesdropping on the conversation I was having with the two gentleman to my left. I turned to Bryson and gave him a once over. Definitely the type that I get approached by the most. About 5’7 in height, thick in the midsection, and just a tad bit darker than me. I wanted him to feel welcomed into the conversation since he was seated alone just like was. “Ohhh. Nice watch! I love Movado watches.” Bryson grabbed his wrist and let out a shy “Thanks.” He didn’t even look up at me. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the out of towners. That’s such an LA thing to do. I felt Bryson breathing all down my neck before I turned to face him. But once I spoke to him, he tried to seem like he wasn’t just all in our business. I like men that own up to their shit. About thirty minutes later, I was alone again. Enjoying my free wings and gin-tonic in peace when Mr. Too Shy to my right decided to speak up. Funny thing was, now that we were alone, he wouldn’t stop talking. We rapped about our last dates, fashion choices, and the book I’d just finished writing. “You wrote a book? Wow! You gotta email it to me!” I turned to Bryson with a puzzled look. “It should definitely be available for purchase in the winter time.” I took a long sip of my cocktail. He watched me as if I was supposed to say, “Just kidding! Here. Read it right now.” I had to ask cause he was giving me a vibe. “Aye, what sign are you?” He perked up for a second. “I’m a Cancer. My birthday is July 17th.” Figures. He’s cheap and already complaining. Definitely a Cancer. But whatever. I enjoyed my time at the restaurant so mission accomplished. Bryson and I didn’t hit it off that well so I wasn’t expecting a call or email from him, but I was definitely waiting on a call from one of the guys from out of town. To my surprise, they both called me. Bryson called everyday. He’d apparently subscribed to some dating sights because he always called me to complain about some Black woman who’d done him wrong. After our third night of dissecting debating Bryson’s numerous dates, I stopped answering the phone. Yes I wrote a book about dating, but my stories are funny. His were sending me back into that depression meltdown I had in Target. Bryson needed somebody to vent to and I’m not the one. He continued to call for weeks before finally leaving me a text stating, “I think I’m going to start dating White women and Latinas. These Black females be all about that bullshit.” Did you catch that the he said White WOMEN and Black FEMALES? Well shit, if you didn’t, I sure the fuck did. Though this text message that came through my phone after regular business hours, I didn’t let Bryson get me out of character the way I wanted to. I wished him well and simply stopped responding. I woke up to numerous voice notes and texts messages complaining yet again about how he’s always getting used and abused by us Black females. I tried to get him together with the facts but it all went over his head. There was something good that came out of that text I sent. He never called me again. Well I really don’t know to be honest. I have a block on my phone that sends all unsaved numbers straight to voicemail. The best feature in the world if you ask me.

I still compliment the fellas but I’m not on a mission like I used to be back in the summer. I wasn’t going to let Bryson deter me from doing something that I know makes men feel good at least for a moment. So what you think? Is the compliment challenge something you could possibly get into? Or do you have your own honor stories about being too friendly with the opposite sex? Let me know at jualeeah@jualeeworld.com or jualeeworld@yahoo.com Let’s dish. I’ll even fill you in on what happened with Antwan!