What ever happened to What’s His Name?

January was not kind to us. We wanted two different things, and to compromise would be more like settling for one of us. So we ended it…well, sort of. The relationship existed in limbo. Our conversations became very short and hollowed; solely existing through text. It was a safe space in my eyes because I had no idea what to make of our current situation. That all changed after I stumbled upon a YouTube video that I wanted to do an experiment with.

The video started out like this. The life coach had been bombarded with DMs on “how to make a man feel sorry that he left you”. So after some soul searching, Tony Gaskins came up with what these women were actually asking him. He mapped out step by step of what needed to be done in order to help our “husband” see that he lost a real one. This program is not for the ones who just miss the dick or the irrelevant affection. This is for the man that is growing and needs a woman with a backbone in his corner. Someone who is going to stand her ground and hold her “husband” accountable.

I wasn’t in the headspace of wanting my ex to know that he lost a good woman in me. I always told him “losing me would be a detriment to anybody in my life”. I’m a confident, open woman, and I know that I’m a god ass friend. But I was intrigued by this video. Fuck it, let’s give this a whirl. Because deep down, I know that I’m supposed to be with this man.

So boom. I started by cutting off all communication with my ex. For two weeks at the least. This is something I’ve never done. Being conscious that a good friend is hard to come by, I’ve let people continue to use me for my gifts. But I learned that allowing people to take advantage of me was a toxic trait that needed to dissolve. My heart ached after receiving the first text from my ex after channeling my new found will power. “Are we able to chill or what’s up?“. I wanted so badly to turn my Twitter fingers on! What are we chillin’ for? So you can waste MORE of my precious time? I placed the phone under my pillow and prayed for strength. I successfully made it through the first night. Luckily, I had some research and merchandising to do over the next few days, so I was able to stay occupied with some retail therapy.

Next was to get fine and start living my best life. I started posting my workouts, my sales from Poshmark, and simply displaying these pretty brown eyes and slick ass mouth on Instagram. It worked just like Tony predicted. “If he’s watching, give him a movie”. I couldn’t become a hermit simply because some man let me down. There were so many things that I neglected because I was so focused on my relationship. I have dreams and goals other than being a good wife. It was time to pay them just as much attention as I paid my relationship. I never checked his social media for the tell tell signs that he was losing the war with his ego, but his attentiveness to me was definitely on TEN! He’d never made it so apparent that he was checkin’ for me. I was pleased with my efforts all around. My Single Season was so beneficial for maximizing my own life. I was feeling so good and refreshed.

But bad news came from my OB/GYN and I was tempted to dial that familiar number. My ex was only person that was as concerned with my coochie as I was. I resisted, nonetheless. I comforted myself by saying my results weren’t finalized and I’d successfully executed eleven days of the non-communication course. There was no way I was giving in now. But I also recognized that fifteen days was gonna be about as hard as I could go. I even stopped posting on Instagram because I was more concerned with dwelling on my test results. I had absolutely nothing to ‘humble brag’ about.

Fortunately, even those few days of desertion worked in my favor. It didn’t come off like I was hiding because of my ex, but hiding strictly from my ex. On day fifteen he called me to confess some bad news he’d received the day before. We had a brief phone conversation and I told him we could meet up, but I needed some time to get my Poshmark orders filled. In actuality, I needed a little more coaching so I didn’t slip right back into old patterns at the very sight of him. Yeah, he’s one of those dudes with the good chocolate body and pretty smile.

We met at one of our favorite hangouts, but I didn’t agree on the location for the nostalgia. I needed a location with seclusion from other patrons and a stiff ass cocktail. I was about to ask some questions I’ve never asked before and we were both going to be uncomfortable. Honey whiskey on the rocks please and Game On.

I believe he was perfectly honest with me about his scatterbrained emotions. I was saddened to hear that he ran right back to an ex girlfriend, but comforted in finding out that the conversation was lacking what we’d once had. He concluded that the better notion for him would be to pick up any extra shifts at the job and work on his six pack. He’d never been put in a situation where he couldn’t get in touch with whatever chick he wanted. Remember I told you he has a nice body and all his teeth? He now sees how distinct I really am. Checkmate! We had such a good talk. Our fathers, our goals for the future, and our intentions for each other was all discussed. We vowed to start going back to church and find a relationship workbook that fits both of our needs. But this is only the beginning as Tony would say. I will check back in with y’all on the results of part two, but so far so good. So what’s his name very well may be back in the picture. But that’s only if he continues to play his cards right. If not, no sweat off my strong willed back. I will have to accept that I want more from him than he wants for himself and back to the streets he shall return.